You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
