We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
