i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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