I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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