idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
