I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
