He asked me if I "almost moaned"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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