What did we do last night that was yellow?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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