i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
