I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
