Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
