So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
