Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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