Whatcha textin bout Willis?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
