They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he puts the penis in happiness.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
