so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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