Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
