I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just googled if crying burns calories
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
how does that bad decision feel?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
