do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am mentally ready for anal.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
