You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
