I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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