with your own penis?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
