One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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