Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
