I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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