You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
