I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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