your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
