I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Can i not drive my cunt home
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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