Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
