Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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