I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Houston, we have a squirter
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
