Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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