You made me cry and you don't even care
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
