thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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