remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
