she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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