I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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