If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
