just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
