rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
