Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
