You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
