Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
