Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
