can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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