Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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