it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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