i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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