Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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