You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
